Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
