We won't sleep together?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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