she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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