How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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