The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Let's get the cat blown out
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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