I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
