I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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