my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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