My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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