lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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