laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
