dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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