I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
