Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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