How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
