if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
