and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
