Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
