Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
