If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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