Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize