Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Are we still banned from the library?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
