so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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