Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
