I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
