If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
please come you make the beer taste better
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
