I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
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