If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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