If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
