my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
