We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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