I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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