Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
