why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
