we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
