I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
