I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
