I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
