he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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