meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
