I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
