I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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