My room smells like vodka and shame
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
