So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
