In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
