this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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