So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
