If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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