I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
there is puke in my bra ... again
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