Your tits are I can't wait for
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
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