Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
