Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
