You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
