If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
