Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
