Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
