is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
