Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
