OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
