Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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