I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
