My friends, they love my intelligence
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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