Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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