There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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