Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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