I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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