i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
