is your mom at the bar?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just found puke in my bra..
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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