I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Randomize
