I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
it glows. i had to have it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
