Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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