if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
