just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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