3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
