I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
