Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
